The Cutting Room Floor
by IShouldBeOverThis
Summary: The Great Game added.  Pure absurdity with some language.  The scenes we just know were cut from ASIP.  Don't own: yada, yada.  Because I am absolutely and thoroughly insane.
1. A Study in Pink

**All the bits that we just know were in the script but sadly ended up on the cutting room floor. Plus, I can just imagine Benedict and Martin saying these things when they know the take is blown!**

* * *

SHERLOCK

…quite correctly, I'm afraid. Plus, I find you quite attractive with your boyish charm, coupled with your military bearing. I bet you'll be quite dominant in the bedroom which I love, and I know that you find me attractive from the way that your breathing increased when I approached you and you were obviously aroused. That's enough to be going on with, don't you think? Oh, and I hope you like riding crops! The name's Sherlock Holmes and the address is 221b Baker Street. (winks, clicks tongue, blows kiss, exits through door)

* * *

JOHN

Of course, we'll be needing two! Where else will we put the restraints and other bondage equipment?

* * *

SHERLOCK

It's a three patch problem.

JOHN

My God, you're really exquisite when you lay there like that. I could just come looking at you. (tosses cane and throws himself down on top of Sherlock)

* * *

SHERLOCK

...I consider myself married to my work, and while I'm flattered, we could never be more than friends with benefits.

* * *

SHERLOCK

Mrs. Hudson! Doctor Watson will take the room upstairs because he thinks I'm incredibly hot. We're out of breath and sweaty and I think we're about to shag each other senseless. We'll try to make it upstairs before we go at it like bunnies.


	2. The Blind Banker

**Hi! Wasn't going to do this as I didn't think there were any moments in TBB because it's so dark, but hey, it's enough for the railway scene, right? But then I had some lovely requests. I hope I've given enough of a lead in for everyone to know what scene. Also, as I rewatched, realized that Sherlock doesn't want John to disturb evidence and that's why he doesn't let him in-or he's an idiot. Also, totally random, but did you guys see that Dimmock GRINS when he says that he goes where Sherlock points. Everybody wants Sherlock.**

* * *

SHERLOCK

Take my card…When you get back I'll give you a damn good shag to relax you.

JOHN

Oh, good. Can we not do it on the table this time, though? It seems to have a scratch and I wouldn't want to get splinters.

* * *

JOHN

Colleague…or fuck bunny or straight-up sex slave, but I'm trying to retain my dignity.

* * *

JOHN

I'm not desperate to root around in some bloke's dirty underwear, thanks.

SHERLOCK

Why not? You root around in mine.

* * *

JOHN

I heard they were supposed to be heartless bastards.

SHERLOCK

Jo-o-hn, we're in a really luxurious loo. I think we should put it to some good use, don't you?  
(cocks an eyebrow suggestively)

* * *

SHERLOCK

I'm going to talk to Van Coon's PA. She reminds me of an old girlfriend.

* * *

JOHN

…massive intellect! That's it, Sherlock, if you don't let me in this instant, I'm withholding sex for the next month.

* * *

JOHN

…took a photograph.

SHERLOCK  
Are you as turned on as I am right now?

JOHN

Oh, God, yes.

(Sherlock grabs John and shoves him against the wall)

* * *

SHERLOCK

Resourceful, dynamic, enigmatic, sexy?


	3. The Great Game

**Here it is! The last installment. Sorry I didn't get it out Saturday night-real life called. Hope you like. May do Pilot if I get the chance.**

* * *

SHERLOCK

...spectacularly ignorant in a nice way. At least you didn't talk about the size of my penis.

JOHN

Oh, for God's sake, are you still going on about that?

SHERLOCK

…oh, Sherlock is spectacularly built, but it's surprising that his penis is…

* * *

JOHN

Out, I need some air, and don't think that showing me your lovely arse is going to make me change my mind.

* * *

JOHN

I'm never bored, what with the constant mortal danger interspersed with great sex.

* * *

SHERLOCK

I'd be lost without my boyfr-, er, blogger.

* * *

HOSTAGE/MORIARTY

Hello, Sexy…

JOHN/LESTRADE

Only I get to call him sexy!  
(They turn and glare at one another)

* * *

SHERLOCK

Jacket…careful!

JOHN

You know, if you want me to feel you up, all you have to do is ask.

* * *

JOHN

Quite big, so a man's.

SHERLOCK  
You mean like my feet.

JOHN

Yes, yes, fine, I'll write that Sherlock's penis is just what one would expect from someone with such long fingers and feet. Happy?

SHERLOCK

You could take a picture for verisimilitude.

* * *

SHERLOCK

…Janus Cars. Er, John, don't hold my hand, it's a crime scene.

* * *

SHERLOCK

Meretricious

JOHN

I'm sorry, did you mean me or the crime?


End file.
